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This page contains the eulogy, readings, photos, and postscript from my mom's Celebration of Life Service Eulogy in honor of my Mother There are 29 graphics loading on this
page. We are gathered here to remember my mom,
Catherine Van Deuson who was 64 years old when she died on Monday. My mother did not want a funeral and liked the idea of what the Irish do . . . laugh and cry retelling stories of a loved one. In fact, my mom’s friend Nancy told me in a conversation a couple of days ago, that my mom once told her “I don’t do funerals.” This memorial service is a celebration of her life. I would like to start by telling you a little bit about my mother.
Catherine Marion Van Deuson, known throughout her life as Cathie was born in Syracuse, New York on March 11, 1940 Mom as a little girl with her mom and
brother
where she resided most of her life. Some of her happiest times were when she was a child
living on the farm in Otisco Valley with her mom, brother and various animals including Bossie the cow. My mom told me many stories of riding that very lumpy cow
and how she loved to pester her brother Fred. My mom was a woman who wore many hats in her life. She was a survivor, a single mom, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. Although my mother’s life was often troubled, she was a strong caring person, a loyal friend, and she was a survivor. She often told me at times of pain in my own life that the women in our family were strong. She was right. My grandmother was the rock of our family and I was a third generation survivor. My biggest respect for my mother was as a struggling single mom.
Mom worked hard to raise her two children the best that she could, with the limited resources that she had. Mom’s major occupation when I was growing up was assembly line worker. First she worked in the pharmaceutical “powder room” at Bristol Myer Laboratories and later in electronics assembly at Syracuse Electronics. My mom was also a daughter, and a major part of my life
was in the loving presence of my grandmother. My mother loved spending time with her mother and our family was a matriarchal circle. My mom was a caring person who took special delight in
children and animals. There are numerous pictures of her happy face with
and her furry friends.
Mom once told me that she wished that she could have been a veterinarian [although I also thought that she should have been a great singer]. Mom had a beautiful singing voice and I grew up listening to her singing along to her records of various Motown artists as well as Barbara Streisand.
[With FANG puppet and new missing tooth]. She was a kid at heart who loved to dress up for Halloween
and enjoyed the family get togethers at holiday time. Although we were poor, my mother worked hard so that I got to go to the senior prom, graduate on stage with my classmates, and insisted that I have a class ring. She made all those things possible for me. She said I was her star and she was very proud of me. My mother was an adventurous friend who loved to go on
drives every weekend and she adored fishing! Her best friend in Syracuse,
who is also called Cathy, reminded me how much my mom loved the water.
The two Cathy’s were like sisters and spent more weekends than not either fishing or driving around for a great adventure. I remember as a kid my mom would say to us kids, “Hey, let’s go get in the car and drive around and get lost!” She loved to drive and loved going on big driving adventures almost every weekend. After her family had grown, mom moved to the countryside of Central Virginia to be closer to all of us. She worked for a number of years as an elder caregiver before she had to retire due to disability.
Mother and daughter [Maria's birthday 2002 on the left, Mother's Day 2003 on the right]. Although my mother came to Heritage Hall in the hopes of rehabilitation and regaining her independence, Heritage Hall was my mother's home. Here she had many friends and people who were very fond of her and she was very fond of them. The folks here took good care of her and many of you called her "the social butterfly." Mom had her daily afternoon bingo at her special table
with her bingo buddies. Often times when I would call my mom, I could not reach her on the phone and she would call me back breathless and cheerful telling me about her visit at the nurse’s station or talking to residents in the hallways. I will miss my talks with mom throughout her day as she filled me in on her daily happenings. In honor of this memorial service, I created a collage of
photos of my mom taken throughout her life to capture her happy face. I
laughed and cried looking through boxes and boxes of photographs. The
pictures represent a loving mother,
and person. While I carefully sorted through pictures, I found a note in my grandmother's handwriting which read:
Catherine Van Deuson, the social butterfly may be gone, but she is not forgotten. We are sad at her passing, but know that she is at peace in heaven. She is once again reunited with her own mother and in the presence of the Lord. We thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for coming today and sharing in this celebration of a much loved lady who was a wonderful, mom, daughter, sister, and friend. God Bless all of you and thank you for coming today.
[Mom as grandmother with new born grandson Evan in 1990 and as 2 year old in 1992.] And now I would like to offer an opportunity for folks who wish to share their memories of Cathy, followed by a reading and closing remarks by my husband, Dan.
In Memory of My Mother in Law By Dan We very much appreciate each of you being here today. How do we say “Good Bye” to Cathie, especially …now? Well, it is not really a “final” Good Bye”. No, not final at all . Every time that we spoke to Mom on the phone, or when it was time for us to leave her after a visit, we would say “Good Bye”…and so often we would wonder “how much time does she have?” And “when will we see her again?” Well the answer to the first question, is of course, that none of us really knows how much time; we have left here on this Earth. The answer to the second question is simpler: “When will
we see her again?” We will see her again, when each of us has our time
that comes, for our own passing from this life. Mom surely believed that.
She knew that whenever her time came, she would be ready . . . as ready as
anyone can really be. She lived by her Faith, and she showed that in her
every-day actions, with each of us. That provides us each with a gift,
which is our memory of her. Mom on Easter Sunday [just joined the church choir as a Soprano]. When Cathie passed away, on Monday, Maria and I then visited the staff and nurses, here at Heritage Hall. Each of them remembered Cathie being so caring and so alive, even on last Friday, which was her last day here at Heritage Hall. Just a few short hours later, she was on her way, by ambulance, to Mary Washington Hospital. In spite of her constant pain, which became much, much worse for her that Friday evening, she was still “Cathie, the social butterfly” visiting other residents, staff, and nurses. The people here were surprised, … they could not believe that, one moment, Cathie was here, so very much alive, and then . . .she was gone. Her daughter, my wife, Maria, spoke with Cathie frequently several times a day, every day, by phone. Maria and I spoke to Cathie by phone, throughout the weekend, in her hospital room, and especially on that last Monday morning. Maria and I were holding off our visit, for as long as possible, because we were afraid that we might give her our flu. We could not get to her bedside in time, but Cathie was absolutely not alone on Monday. Cathie had a special visitor on Monday morning, her brother Fred, who stayed with her for over 2 hours, in spite of his own heart surgery, just a few days earlier. Then, only 5 minutes after her brother left, she slipped into a coma, and passed away 15 minutes later. We all have our own personal memories of Cathie, and those remembrances will comfort, and will sustain us. In thinking about what to say today, I believe that Cathie also wanted me to share her sense of Faith with each of you, so here is a glimpse of that special, for her friends and for her family. She had a simple Cross that was always above her bed here, and many of you know that she read daily, from her large-print Bible. Cathie’s Faith was a very solid, quiet kind of Faith. Hers was not “Hard Sell Religion.” If you asked her about The Lord or about her beliefs, she would be happy to talk with you, for as long as you wanted to talk. We all know that pain was her constant companion, especially so, during her last few years. Her diabetes was relentless, and understandably, she did not want any more tests and procedures. But in spite of all this, Cathie was determined to visit
others here, residents and staff, and listen to them. Maria, Mom and nurse Jennifer - Halloween 2004. She shared a lot of her personal humor and delivered some special sunshine. Her humor was playful. She also showed humor about her own health problems, which included talking about her partial amputation of each of her feet. Some of you may know that she ‘named’ each foot: one was named “stumpy” and the other foot was named “shark-bite.” She could easily relate to the residents, and to the staff here, because she used to professionally care for the elderly, herself. Her Faith is a real treasure to share, and to remember. When Maria and I took her for a car ride, Cathie would enjoy singing-along to some of her favorite hymns, such as: Amazing Grace, Blessed Assurance, Rock of Ages, and many other old-time spirituals. I have the honor of providing the closing words, and we have two items to read to you. This story, called “Footprints” was one of her favorites:
The 23rd Psalm also meant a lot to Cathie, especially recently:
Cathie knew The Lord, and the Lord knew her. We believe that He greeted her with …“Cathie, Welcome Home.” This appeared in the program for the memorial service. It is a beautiful song that I love to sing. It is written by a contemporary Christian artist who is a singer, songwriter, and classically trained pianist. "If I Flew on Morning
Wings" Postlude My mom died suddenly on Monday, January 31, 2005. She had been stabilized after 72 hrs with congestive heart failure. Unfortunately, she had undetermined internal infection and massive abdominal pain. The belief was that it was her kidneys or her pancreas. On Monday afternoon, after her brother sat with her for 2 hours, she took a turn for the worse and within 5 minutes of his departure she slipped into a coma. Fifteen minutes later she was gone. There were 3 nurses with her at the time and I was en-route from home [a 2 hour drive]. We arrived too late.Mom didn't want a funeral, but wanted to donate her body to science. Unfortunately, protocol doesn't allow amputees. This was also compounded by the fact that she died from an undetermined massive internal infection. We arranged for her to be cremated and will scatter her ashes on the water in the Spring {she loved the water so much}. My husband and I visited the nursing home Monday afternoon after my mom died to speak with the nurses and social worker who had just been notified of her passing. Everyone was in shock because on the previous Friday my mom was the usual social butterfly, joking and kidding with everyone. In fact several people made a point of telling me that they had seen her about 5 p.m. visiting with a group of friends and she was very happy. When we arrived at the nursing home the daily Bingo game in the dining hall was in progress. Mom was there everyday at that time playing bingo. On Monday morning the nursing home staff found that when they reported to work that day, mom had been rushed to the hospital with a heart attack Friday evening, and she was gone less than 72 hrs later. Mom's memorial service was better than I could have hoped for. We arrived early to set-up in the dining hall where the memorial service would take place. The room was hot and dry, and within minutes I had to remove my festive sweater that I wore especially for the occasion. We set up a few tables. On one table, we put plaques that had been in her room, mom’s “mom and baby giraffe” picture, and her stuffed animals. On another table, we set-up a presentation board filled with pictures and captions of my mother's smiling face that spanned more than 60 years. {I will scan those pictures and put them on my website} . . . everyone loved them! I welcomed everyone for coming to celebrate my mother's life and began to give the eulogy. At the end of my eulogy I thanked everyone for coming and began to cry. After I spoke, several of the staff and residents from Heritage Hall nursing home came forward to speak about how my mother had touched their lives, how much they loved her, and how much they would miss her. Then Dan had the difficult task of giving his talk about mom's faith followed by two religious readings. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. I then stepped forward again thanking everyone for coming and invited them to join us for a bite to eat and also invited them to sign the register book, look at the pictures, and take one of my mom’s stuffies as a remembrance of her. I then walked over to the table to speak to each person individually and told each person the stuffed animals name as they were chosen from the table. My cousin’s children, two adorable little girls, named Emi and Victoria each chose an animal and promised to take very good care of them. My mother’s bingo buddies each had also taken an animal, and as I walked around the tables to speak to each person while they ate, I saw they were hugging their stuffed animal close to them. My brother-in-law, Tom and his significant other, Darlene had supplied us all with a great deal of wonderful food. I thought maybe 24-30 people would attend between family and friends. Dan counted 37 people and 7 additional that arrived at the end. When the service was over and we were leaving, I saw one of my mom’s friends in the hallway. This white haired lady with the shining face had taken two of my mother’s stuffed animals. A beautiful little fur bear that Dan and I had given mom that she thought was too pretty to hold very much and only talked to him while he sat in his special place next to her bed and a aquamarine colored pony with white mane and tail. This little lady told me again how much she enjoyed my mom’s friendship and would miss her talks and being bingo buddies [her room is straight across the hall from my mother’s room]. Many nurses, staff members, and residents thanked us for the service and letting them be a part of it and expressed hope that we would come back and visit. We have many more stuffed animals and all of my mother’s clothes that we would like to donate. There are many poor residents who never get visitors and don’t have a stuffed animal to hug or nice clothes to wear. My mother is at peace and I think she would have been pleased with the service. I hoped that everything would go okay and when I asked my Uncle if everything went okay, he said, “You did good, kid, you did good.” I had a week of cathartic experiences where I got to grieve. I laughed and cried while arranging photos, making final arrangements with the funeral director, writing the eulogy, and preparing for the memorial service. I hope my mom's memorial service offered assistance with some peace and closure for everyone else as well. Do you like this color blue? The memorial service program and inserts were printed on blue paper to represent water. My mom loved the water and ADORED fishing! :-)
[1999 showing us her cute Christmas kitty statue].
Syngi was a baby giraffe that Evan and I gave my mom for Valentine's Day. We created a special Valentine's story to accompany Syngi when he was delivered to my mom. She rec'd the baby giraffe one day before she entered the hospital and died 3 days later. The Syngi story is below: Syngi By Maria Louise and Evan Owen Once upon a time there was a Japanese hopping kick boxing champion named, Syngi. He was a very cute and innocent looking, young giraffe with a Mohawk hair style. He also had very special abilities. He could balance pens and pencils on his nose and loved to hop like a spring. He was very graceful in the way he kicked up his feet and spun around in a form of kick boxing and break dancing. No one really knew how old Syngi was because he had a radioactive birthmark in his nostril that halted the aging process. It was assumed that he was approximately 15 years of age. Syngi lived in a foster home with a nice boy named Evan. Evan explained to Syngi that someday soon he would go and live with Evan’s grandmother. Syngi would become her friend, companion, and student. He loved to watch TV especially anime [Japanese cartoons] and hoped that his grandmother would like to watch them as well. The grandma would teach Syngi the ways of life and pass on her great wisdom. As he prepared for his journey, Evan presented him with a gift. It was a red heart pendant which he was to wear around his neck and it had magic. The pendant gave Syngi the ability to use telepathy, and it arrived with an external message which read, “HUG ME.” Of course, this message was more of a request than a command. Syngi would now be able to communicate his thoughts - how extraordinary! Syngi would travel to the grandmother’s in a special square, cardboard spaceship that would dock with a larger ship carrying many other spaceships of different shapes and sizes to their various destinations. He would travel in his ship with many gifts for the grandmother, which we cannot discuss here because they are all surprises that she will unwrap after she reads this story. Syngi says goodbye to Evan and his mom as he enters the spaceship and gets ready to depart on his long journey. |
![Mom as a little girl [with her mom and brother]](mymom/mompink.jpg)
3 years old
Mom
"the pest" laughing with her brother.
![Pic of mom holding her 2 wk old daughter [me!]](mymom/mom8.gif)
The
new mother with 2 wk old Maria Louise, 1960.
My
cousin Ben between Grandma Brooks and my mom.
With 20 lb loveable Pooka bunny.
her nephew,
and children of loved
ones, [pictured - Herman's son, 1985].
[With Bandit the biggest pussy cat ever!]
She had a great sense of
humor too.
Dressed as The Great
Pumpkin.
The
two Cathie's
Mom with Mario [social worker] and Martha her friend and bingo
buddy.
Easter 2002
friend, [Mom in 1967 at 27 with family friend, Irene].
![My beautiful mom at 39 [1979]](mymom/mom12.jpg)
daughter, [my beautiful mom at 39 years old, 1979]
sister, [Otisco Valley, New York - late
1940's]
[Teenager, late 1950's]
Dan
and Mom 2003.
This is Syngi
